Spicy Red Pepper Jelly

So did you ever hear the name of a food and immediately go “Ewwwwwwwwwwww I don’t like it” without ever having tried it? If so then we’re twins. I am the epitome of that 7-year-old girl with the squinched-up “Ewwwww” face when presented with something foreign food-wise.

Now granted over the years I’ve severely cut back on the face squinching (as I’m convinced that’s partly why I have found those mysterious lines around my eyes that I refuse to call … wrinkles. SHHH! Shut your mouth, we don’t say the ‘w’ word around here.). But there are times when that 7-year-old girl resurfaces, kind of like how my inner-14-year-old boy will when I giggle at the most childish things like silly words.

On a side note, never, EVER go to Sam’s Club after a workout. EVER. Why? Let’s just say my receipt was longer than my arm span and I bought crap that I would never EVER buy in a bajillion years. Like what you ask? Lucky Charms. Now I don’t eat that stuff. I’ve actually never had it. We never had sugar cereals growing up and now that I’m an adult (well at least I try to pretend to be one), the thought of it grosses me out and hurts my teeth.

HOWEVER my man-child literally asked me if he could ride in the cart as his legs were sore (yes, he wanted to ride in the shopping cart – and yes, he has done that before… and yes I have pushed him around in it), but anyway my ‘child’ wanted them. “Oh, honey!!! I haven’t had them in years! Can we please get them? Please??” Seriously I so was waiting for him to follow up with “I’ll clean my room and do the dishes for a month if you buy them Mom.” HAHA So yeah in the cart they went along with bags of kettle corn (gag – I don’t get how people like that stuff), chocolate, bacon, and loads of other crap that we seriously did not need.
But we were starving and we broke the cardinal rule about grocery shopping – we went to the store hungry.

So anyway while we were there I wanted to check out the fresh seafood as I’ve been on this major fish taco and shrimp po’boy kick – must be a Lent thing *shrugs*. While we were looking at it I hear “OH HONEYYYYYYYYYYY I haven’t had that in FOREVER. I loved that stuff.” I turn to see what he’s drooling over and seriously I don’t think my face could squinch up any further. It was this jar of gelatinous pickled herring. I won’t go into what it looked like but one thing about me is I actually do have a fairly weak stomach. Like the sound of someone making macaroni salad will make me dry heave. The sight of tapioca will gag me. But this stuff… OMG, it took me to a place that was scary.

I looked at him, back at the jar of stuff just kind of hanging out in that coagulated gunk, and through the dry heaves/gag I said “If you want it, I’ll get it for you but you have to eat it outside and keep it outside.” Now he knows me better than anyone and knows when I’m kidding around and when I’m serious.

You could tell by my face, my tone, and the fact that I was going to hurl any second that I was serious. Fortunately, he said he’d pass as he wasn’t sure if he still liked it. And that since we were going to see his parents maybe they had some for him to try again. YES! No fish in suspended goo in my house!

Don’t ya love how I can just sell a product? LOL My boss actually made a comment about me the other day at work. See I had bought some roasted edamame to try as they are supposed to be healthy and a great snack. Since I love most nuts (yes I know they are soybeans but they were crunchy like nuts) I thought I’d try them.

I took them in, opened them up, and popped a few in my mouth. So the thing about these things is I’m honestly not sure if I like them or not. They are kinda borderline icky for me. The taste is slightly off but ‘ok’ however it’s the texture for me that is weird. They start off kinda crunchy but as you chew they leave this film in your mouth that was waxy.

Therefore instead of throwing them away I set them out for others to snack on. I put a note on it saying “These are icky. I don’t like them. Please eat! – Lori” Well that got everyone’s attention and they were making fun of me and my 7-year-old squinchy face. Around the same time my boss comes by and just lets out a belly laugh at my note. He says “Lor I can say this for sure, you’ll never be in charge of marketing. You put a sign saying ‘Eat these, they are icky’”. I sat there for a moment, gave him the once over and said “Hmmm… what’s that in your hand you’re holding? Is that the bag of ‘Icky Edamame’? Is that the same icky edamame you’re snacking on as you’re standing there? Looks like my marketing skills are on point there chief.” LOL Love it!

So what does this – shopping on an empty stomach, my man-child wanting to ride in the cart, gelatinous fish and icky edamame? Um… I forget but it did have a place when I first started typing this post. Just bear with me. I’ll come back to me. Oh oh oh.. the not liking something even before you tried it. AH HA! See I’m not losing it (my memory that is) just yet. Yeah so several months ago we were at a party and this lady put out a rather impressive spread of all types of foods. On the table towards the end she had a simple plate of cream cheese, crackers and this stuff on top of it. I first thought it was caviar (and yes I just crinkled my nose just now even though I’ve not tried it.) but she informed me that it was hot red pepper jelly.

I stood there, raised a brow and immediately thought “No we don’t like that, go eat a piece of cheese even though we’ve never had it.” However she kept insisting I try it as she wanted to impress me. It was her secret recipe and she wanted my honest opinion. Now I couldn’t be rude and say out loud what my 14-year-old boy was thinking “Lady, you’re nuts! I’m not putting that cucka stuff in my mouth! That’s like cat food!” but no, that could not be said. Well it was then her friends came over with their dishes for me to try. Let me step back a sec… see I’m actually really humble when it comes to talking about TKW with folks. I’ve had “friends” say “Oh I’ll never invite you over to dinner as I can’t compete with your cooking.” Thing is, that’s so truly hurtful as I’m not one to ever, EVER judge someone like that. I’m there as your friend, not to critique. It’s kind of like saying “Oh you wear a size 2? Sorry but I can’t be your friend as you’re skinnier than me.” WTH? Really? So I tend to keep TKW on the down low. If someone asks, sure I’ll talk about it. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished but I’m not one to boast.

However Mr. Fantabulous is one that brags about me all the time. I turn 57 shades of red of course. Since it was a party I can’t go empty-handed so I made 2 dozen of the mini cannoli and 2 dozen of my gourmet brownies. Since there were a few folks there that “knew” my food they made a beeline for my stuff… not me mind you but rather my stuff.  LOL  Well it didn’t take long for my stuff to pretty much be devoured in minutes for me to become the center of attention (again, I hate this). Soon I was getting requests out the wazoo for the recipes and folks let me tell you this, it’s actually really difficult to tell you know when I won’t give out a certain recipe. See I have a commercial TKW Signature line where there are products I sell just so I can keep TKW running.  If I gave out those recipes this company would be 100% fully funded and since Oprah won’t return my calls or Brad & Angie won’t adopt me it comes out my pocket.

So I explained to these folks why it was a proprietary recipe and then the questions arose about TKW and “who I am”.  Now I love, love, LOVE it when someone says “OMG you’re The Kitchen Whisperer???  I absolutely LOVE you!” and then just bear hugs me. It’s humbling. What was funny (and typical at a food type gathering) is these folks then literally grabbed their plates off of the tables and brought them to me to test and critique. You know, put me on the spot.  Thing is, I don’t do stuff like that; not in a setting like that.  Commercial – yes!  Why?  I’m paying for a product so I expect excellence.  But average home cooks like myself.. no way man.  That’s honest eats.  However if I don’t like something I’ll word it carefully not ever giving false praise but being honest or putting a twist on it about trying a different flavor combination.

The last dish I had to try was the host’s jelly dish.  Now I purposely left this one to last as it just really icked me out cause it was ‘weird’. Sure I tried the “I don’t really like hot stuff” but was assured that it’s not super hot that it “had just the right amount of heat”. Crap… So being a sport I took a cracker and scooped some on the cracker.  First I tried to only put on a scant bit of each only to see her have a look of disappointment.  Thus I dipped it back in and gathered a proper amount to which she had a great big smile. It was in her smile that I knew she was confident on how good it was. Normally folks will have that terrified look on their face when I try their recipe but not her.  In the mouth it went and in my head I started thinking “don’t make the eww face, don’t gag.  Chew, chew, swallow, smile” however something magical happened.  That stuff that I had made the 7-year-old girl with the squinched up “Ewwwww” face when I initially saw it didn’t happen but rather a face of surprise.  This stuff was good; no it was really, REALLY good! Like to the point before I could comment I took another cracker full.

I praised her and thanked her not only for the delicious dish but also for forcing me to open my eyes and go beyond the squinchy face.  What was funny (and kinda bubble bursting for her) is she said “and you can’t have the recipe as it’s a secret” to which I, who possesses a very discernible palate, said “it’s okay I figured out the ingredients.  I just need to work on the measurements.  It’s just red peppers, pepper flakes, pectin, sugar, salt and maybe some vinegar.” Folks you would have thought I told her that her baby was ugly.  LOL  Thankfully it was just she and I at that point as she said “OMG how did you figure it out? Folks have been asking me for years!”  I just shrugged and said “it’s just something I do.  I can pick apart dishes.  Sorry.”

So of course after I got home I had to make this as seriously this stuff is the bomb and takes virtually no time to make. Since I’m not a jelly expert as it’s like science with these measurements and I’m so not a science buff I turned to one of my favorite sites for help.  Thankfully Epicurious had a great recipe that is now my go-to one.  The only thing I do change is the hot pepper flakes as it depends on my level of hotness I want.  I have a few types – super hot and regular.

To serve this obviously it goes amazing with just cream cheese and crackers but it’s unbelievable on sandwiches, pizza (yes on a white pizza as a finishing touch), eggs and just you wait and see what I come up with!

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